Sunday, May 22, 2011
The Whim of the Tide
I went down to Malahide beach today on a whim. I walked down the path that I used to take to work every day along the beach. It made me think about how far I had come, or really how little distance I had come.
Malahide is a beautiful town, I really like it. I was lucky to have to oppurtunity to work there and I definitely look back on my time there very fondly. I left the job there because I felt there wasn't much future and I suppose I was right. But I still wonder what would things be like if I hadn't left. I suppose that's normal.
It's funny how I've encountered the same problems however, just in different forms. The job I have now has taken the form more of an experience than a pure career move. I have filled a role I had seen others fill, I have met some great people and I suppose I've been pushed out of my comfort zone. These were all things I was looking for.
It's not perfect but it's making me think about things and though that isn't always pleasant it is fundamentally important. I continue writing, I keep trying to figure things out but work remains an interesting distraction. A nice difficult puzzle with it's own problems and solutions, I suppose the single greatest thing about work is that you have the fun of solving problems but ultimately they are somebody else's problem to solve. You are just being paid to solve them for him.
Whereas in life you are on your own payroll and there are no deadlines. Nobody will be breathing down your neck if you haven't grown sufficiently as a person, nobody will be denying you a raise if you don't sort yourself out and build a quality life for yourself. Does that make it hard to focus on? Sometimes. That's perhaps why I like to throw myself into work so much.
But it's more than that for me, I've noticed. When I was more passionate about my work it always seemed to pull everything around it into alignment. I found it easy to do other activities, I felt like I had coal in my furnace when I was doing something I was really passionate about. Even now I feel that drain away, every time I've found a brick wall for ideas, a lack of desire to improve at work I feel my passion drain away. You can't change the tide of an organisation, I know that from experience.
The question is, where does that leave me. I know I need fulfilling work to sustain me, that working for the weekend just will never work for me. What options does that leave me?
Walking around in Malahide was great. It's a nice place to visit. But I'm glad I don't live there any more.