If my life had a meaning, I wonder, what would it be? Indeed, I am a man without a cause, a being without a purpose in many ways. I have opinions on almost everything but of 99% of these subjects I accept that I don't know enough for them to be valid.
I could never argue politics or philosophy, my beliefs are too polarized, too based on my personal beliefs and passions. I am certain, of many things, I am equally certain however that it is best to keep these ideas to myself for the most part.
Professionally, yes, I am driven. Not so much by money or even by knowledge but by a will to be everything I can be. A will that desires great challenges, a will that wishes to learn these games people play, a will to master them. To what end I have no idea.
It's maddening, potentially. Growing up I had meaning but was completely impotent, now everything is shifting towards the opposite situation. For every ounce of meaning I give up I get some power. For every compromise I make on myself I am awarded a moment of productivity. It's a sick game really.
Age has given me an amount of wisdom, though I would never claim to be wise. I think this allows me to see things as they really are, pick my fights more. And even though I am far from a situation where I am consistently productive or focused I have certainly made leaps in that area. In time I may well master it.
And will I ask why then, at the end, why I did it all? Why I worked hard where others might have relaxed, where I tortured myself when others might have just accepted their destiny. Where I fought when others might have turned the other cheek, or won where they might have lost.
Will I worry why I did it all. Will I remember? I'll write it here just in case I forget.
I do it for Joy, I do it for love, lost and yet to be found. I do it for fire, wind and rain. I do it for me, this is who I am. I don't want anything this world can offer me, I came with my pockets full and I intend to empty them somehow.