Monday, June 8, 2009

Paths, Destinies, Wants, Needs

So to what end do we play this game. I've been thinking this a lot, my usualy high spirits have been sapped by the rejection game, leading me to difficult questions of arguable importance.

The usual questions, why am I doing this? What else could I be doing? Why aren't things going as fast as I'd like them to? My life has pared down to not much more than this quest, this overwhelming desire.

It is in my nature to throw myself into something in my entirety. I don't necessarily see it as a problem. But I do of course, notice I am, to some degree at least, different to my common man.

Balance in my decisions and plans has always eluded me. And it is true, my concept of harmony is the balance of two extremes. It all fits together in my own personal philosophy, but I still long sometimes to be free of it all. I look back on my life and wonder if I had stayed my hand, if I had not given into my instinct, where would I be now. It's a useless train of thought I suppose.

I was messing around on a tarot card website earlier today. I drew that famous card "death". Well, all way is clear for this promised new life. I will embrace it, seize it and then dream of it's successor.

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