Well, submitted my short story to the class today. Like a pack of hyena they descended on it, eager to rip it to pieces in a frenzy over my disembowelled ego.
You can read the short story here.
Biggest flaw that came out in the session was my use of cliche language. Pretty damning. What was worse was that I couldn't really pick it out as a problem myself, I guess I was caught up in the general clicheness of the story in general that some lazy language use here and there seemed like icing on the cake.
I picked out one line. "Her beautiful, innocent face." I like that description, it brings a radiant picture to my mind. I didn't want to be specific because I didn't want it to be real. However, though these words worked for me, to anybody else it is so general and wishy washy that it's pointless. After staring at those words for a long time I began to understand. It is lazy writing.
It's like an actress covering up her face when she's supposed to be crying. She doesen't want to show the detail of her sorrow because it is easier to cover her face with her hands. I was being lazy. I will return to the story this weekend and see if I can correct it but at least I am aware of this going forward.
So, in summation. It's a tricky thing, but feedback on your work is great.
'It's like an actress covering up her face when she's supposed to be crying. She doesen't want to show the detail of her sorrow...' --eoghan, that's a great analogy! truly. love that!
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