And what a year it has been. Wasn't it the year of the dragon? I can't quite remember, I had this whole thing about Mastery, that was the theme, the goal to be achieved.
Did it happen for me? Did I master anything? Well, to be blunt, no I didn't. My career got closer to where I want it to be, I took some affirmative action in other areas of my life but nothing got set ablaze. There was a flash of light but nothing changed.
But of course I have my usual positive outlook for the new year, I find myself inching towards the concepts of chaos. Allowing just the finest grains of danger to filter into my life, mixing with the light gray I have tolerated up until now. It mixes like paint and sand, keeping its colour but there's something coarser and impermanent to it now, the promise of it drying and peeling off revealing something new is there.
And what will lie behind that paint that was slathered on so long ago. Who knows is the answer to that one, like my books I want to write my life, make it something to be proud of but I have always struggled with the constraints. I've always failed to play by the rules imposed upon me, always doing the opposite as I nurtured my flawed world view. This year has taught me a lot about those rules, that maybe they aren't the evil incarnate I perceived them to be. Compromise is possible.
Soon it will be 2013. And everything will be new.