Sunday, August 12, 2012

Arby the Chocolatier

Chocolate, is massive. Not just among the kids either, grown men and women often have a sweet tooth. I myself have often looked longingly in the window of the local confectionery shop, wishing that Spar would give up their Germanic insistence on fiat currency and accept barter but it will never be, I accept that now and feel no compulsion to hound their manager Xu Lei any longer.

For, what is chocolate, if one breaks it down into its composites. I've never partaken myself but if I am to believe the testimony of some more successful shoppers it's sweet, full of the most delicious chemicals and, I quote, “will go straight to my thighs”. It was with this knowledge that I fell away from Spar for what would be the last time and resolved to lift the ladle of chocolatiering for myself.

I started with the basics, my finest sweet potato. After all, they make chocolate covered apples and all I had, as usual, were potatoes. I then resolved to enhance its sweetness even further by applying a sachet of brown sugar I had sequestered on my person during my last business meeting at the local coffee shop. For the all important chemical component I squeezed out the last of my tube of toothpaste.

As I mushed the composites together, I was taken with a strange mirth and laughed into my concoction gently. I thought at once of a chocolate empire that would span the globe. The swiss would want me, I thought, they will want my recipe. The chocolate was ready, I stopped stirring and looked into the smooth white speckled with the brown sugar and here and there the triple stripe freshness of the mint infusion could be seen. I dipped a finger into this, the freshest of chocolate and drew it out again.

Placing it into my mouth I felt instantly changed. The flavor opened up a spark of knowledge which had lain dormant in my soul for what may have been an eternity, a candle which had remained unlit since the dawn of humanity, the dawn of the very notion of chocolate itself.

It was that day, dear readers. That I realized I don't actually care for chocolate all that much at all.

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