Sunday, September 4, 2011

Arby Quinn - A Guide to Investment

Now I know what you're thinking, Arby, what do you know about the world of finance? Have you even seen an episode of Dragons' den? Well, the answer is yes, I have. I was over in Sean the scorpion's house a while ago and I saw a bit of it. I immediately started investing in local businesses and have learned a lot, mainly that it's a terrible idea. So, to help you avoid the pitfalls that I have found myself falling into repeatedly here's my guide to investment.

Get the numbers right. It was actually Sean who taught me this one, “Arby”, he said, “why not invest in my new business?” I was so revved up I immediatly invested ten of my potatoes only to be informed the next day in a high level business meeting with Sean that his company had just folded the night before when he realised he didn't really feel like having a business after all.

Remember what you invested in. This is an important one, two weeks of investment left me without a potatoe to my name but for the life of me I couldn't remember what I had invested in. I have an inkling that I threw a few the way of the young local apple stealer. He said he was going to set up a highly legal apple black market, although I didn't so much invest the potatoes as throw them at him, so maybe it doesn't count, I don't know.

Don't listen to people. I've learned the hard way that people are merely complicated vessels of lies and deceit. Whatever they tell you will be a lie so just reverse what they say. If they say you are gauranteed a return, forget about it. If they tell you however that investing may actually put your life in danger you might want to give it some serious consideration.

Don't invest in anything ever. Investing is for people who have more resources than sense. I invested everything I had left in “Porky Record Label”. A local farmer had an amazing pitch where he sold me the idea of recording the first ever Pig based rock music. He just fed my investment to the pigs and told me to get off his land.

So those are my tips for entering the exciting world of investment, I don't recommend entering it however. Shows like Dragons' den glorify it but in actuality it's rubbish.

Picture stolen from here.

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