This is my current plan of action and I write it here both as an affirmation of my commitment to it and also to share my plan, as I will eventually share the final result.
For so long I've known what I wanted, I've known it all too well but every time I reached out for it I found my reach lacking. I only got pieces, it's all I ever got. Momentary shards of happiness torn from the whole of the object of my desire. Why has this happened?
The problem, I think, was my reach. I have it, I do, the strength, the speed to catch these things but not to maintain my grasp. So, for the first time I look at my feet and at the foundations on which I stand, I realize bit by bit that these are not things beneath my attention, not secondary goals to be after my true goals, no, my foundations and my true goal are one and the same thing. If I do not find stability in my mind and my life everything will forever remain just out of reach, I'm accepting this now.
So my new goal is not to ride higher than everybody else, to burn to a cinder myself and anything that stands in my way. That time will come again, but when that time comes I'll have not only the ferocity of a tiger but also the stability of an elephant. Or so reads the plan.