I'm 24 next month

Ah, the constant ticking of time. The common enemy of all men and all that. I hate birthdays because they always force me to think about what I've actually achieved, whether or not I'm still on track to achieve something with my life. Of course it's all rubbish.

It's just another year, just like the ones before it, but better. Things have improved for me over the years and they will continue to do so. It won't happen overnight in a bang or a flash, it won't creep up on me like that, no, I'll see it coming. As for now I feel I am on the right track, I haven't hit it big or really got any of my major goals but hell, worrying about it won't make a smidgen of difference.

I've learned a lot this year, there were a few harsh lessons but at the same time, one or two stolen victory's. All in all it's hard to complain about. On March the 12th I'll turn 24. I'll have left a few friends behind, a few old places and past times.

I'll have left behind a lot but I know there will be lot more to come.

It's a Ziggurat Guys, I see it now!

This is my current plan of action and I write it here both as an affirmation of my commitment to it and also to share my plan, as I will eventually share the final result.

For so long I've known what I wanted, I've known it all too well but every time I reached out for it I found my reach lacking. I only got pieces, it's all I ever got. Momentary shards of happiness torn from the whole of the object of my desire. Why has this happened?

The problem, I think, was my reach. I have it, I do, the strength, the speed to catch these things but not to maintain my grasp. So, for the first time I look at my feet and at the foundations on which I stand, I realize bit by bit that these are not things beneath my attention, not secondary goals to be after my true goals, no, my foundations and my true goal are one and the same thing. If I do not find stability in my mind and my life everything will forever remain just out of reach, I'm accepting this now.

So my new goal is not to ride higher than everybody else, to burn to a cinder myself and anything that stands in my way. That time will come again, but when that time comes I'll have not only the ferocity of a tiger but also the stability of an elephant. Or so reads the plan.

Ayn Rand, makes me think

Since writing the piece on Ayn Rand I have get back to reading Atlas Shrugged. She has to be one of the most famous authors in America, no doubt due to the use of her work as Republican propaganda and the more I read of her work the more I simultaneously like it and perhaps distrust it. Her infamous philosophy of Objectivism seems like common sense to me, the motivations and problems facing the main characters resound with me. Sometimes her style of writing does seem strange or inconsistent but it really doesn't matter, the message shines through.

So what does that make me? I've never really been affected by anything like this before, I've rejected the religion I was raised in and never really shared a view with anybody totally. I have always questioned things and now I am faced with an ideology that declares I should question things, I agree with it. It is not earth shattering stuff by any means but it is truly a new experience for me to encounter something that actually makes sense.

We live in a world where mans true nature is constantly obscured and painted over, as a race we are constantly trying to be something else. Our lies create vacuums of power, of weakness only transparent by the grace of others. We become dependent on others as they are on us to maintain this group delusion, power is defined by the swell and destruction of the vacuum while reality is an afterthought. We can see this in Ireland today, where favours, such as buying out certain banks become more important than actual sense and it goes a long way back.

For my part, my belief stands like this at the moment. Men must be dangerous, all of them. The second you cease being dangerous is the moment where your opinion ceases to matter, no government in the history of the world has ever respected anything about its people other than their ability to remove them from power. This is the nature of man, this is reality. That they care about anything other than that is another example of this paint, of this vacuum. With Haughy it became so thick it almost drowned the entire country, now we see the same thing again.

Ireland will survive however, with a highly educated populous, you have danger. We are not nearly as active as we could be but a lot of the Irish people will react when they are wronged because they know they can, because they know enough to know that they have to. This is what must be encouraged, this is what has and will save us. Ireland has always had the benefit of realising the true nature of their government but look still how difficult it is, how easily the paint infiltrates, things should be done about it.

So that's an example of what it has got me thinking about, but of course it goes deeper than that for me but all in all I am pleased to finally have read some real world sense.

By the Sea

It's been a long road, one which now takes me by the sea in Malahide. The walk home from work has become one along the beach, sometimes I find shells.

But anyway, I've been given another chance at it all and I'm starting here from scratch. I've cataloged my errors and I'm resolved to do better this time. I've got to work out how to control this mind of mine and exist within my own limits.

But seriousness aside, I joined a Gym and am doing an Art class and a pottery class. I'm trying to take things easy and slowly and so far I think it's going okay. Once I'm settled down a bit more I'll try to get back into writing. I've been reading a lot lately, just finished The Double by Dostoevsky. Before that it was the penultimate truth by PKD, was very good, if obviously a bit rushed.

The Double itself was such a powerful insight into madness, it was chilling. A powerful message that you need to look after your mind I think. The kind of book that you find yourself thinking about for a long time after.

I'm back to Atlas shrugged now, will finish that soon. I have to admit Ayn Rand is a bit conventional coming from Dostoevsky but I'm reading more for the "moral". It's like a bible or something, the capitalist bible.

But all in all, I have a good feeling about things. I'm going to be patient and happy for a while.