Meanwhile - At Cregan Towers

I've been having a tiring day of excessive leisure. I've slept until 1am, drank my own weight in delicious coffee and listened to my favorite music while vegetating. It's been good. I'm so relaxed I might try to get some writing done now, if I can just be bothered.

It's okay to be self reliant, it's okay to not need others for a good time. I'm a misanthrope and it's time I accepted that about myself. I'm a misanthrope on a phisological and philosophical level. The reasons are quite clear in my head but here is the one that I'm focusing on at the moment.

Nothing is Real: Your average person believes things or has things they hold to be true beyond their own ability to defend it. The moment where an argument ends in "I don't know why it's true but it is." In reality, something is only as true as our ability to make it true in that instance of time, people don't seem to be able to accept this. If you fail to convince me of something, it is not true until at which time I become convinced of it. And while I do accept that it is not necessarily false either, that itself does not mean it is true either.

Anyway, that's it in the nutshell. By extension of course, anything can be true and true knowledge does not exist beyond our own ability to manufacture it. Now, you can disagree with that, and that's fine, but until you can convince me otherwise I believe it to be true.

If I can believe in something, it might as well exist, if I can reach inside of myself and find those principals I hold over everything else and believe that they are right, they are. If I believe, they are real. See? There is no universal right or wrong, but I can create instances of them myself.

How does that tie into the human race at large? I will fight them on everything they hold to be true, it is my nature, I will challenge their perceptions for both our well being because stronger truth arises from conflict. Most people don't enjoy that, and it isn't worth partaking with a large number of people who do not even have any of their own truths but partake of somebody elses. I am not speaking out against something, if there's something I learned during my time on this planet is that being angry at something doesn't change it. People are the way they are, and so am I. It's time to accept this and move on.

So my goal now is to create my truth, develop it, sharpen it and then, through my work; unleash it on the world.

If I can just be bothered...

After the Rain 2009

Well, here's an innocent plug. I'm not sure how many people come through my blog but any exposure is worth it.

I've just put together a website for an event a friend is currently organising. I encourage you to go have a look if you live in the Dublin area. Link to it here. The details of the charities it is in aid of etc. are on there as well as the list of acts that will be attending.

So, if you've got any kind of enjoyment from this blog I order you to check out this website! My friend knows good music so it should be worth the money.

And... We're back...

I come back from Berlin with a head full of new ideas, it really was such a worthwhile experience. The architecture, the people and even the space I found myself having there all contributed to some really valuable introspection and inspiration. Inspiration was even directly offered by the statue of Demeter in the Pergamon museum and the gendarmenmarkt square together matched my imagination when I created the so-called "Government Square" in my current novel. It was a beautiful experience beholding them.



I got to use a bit of German too, which was great. I took the policy of opening every encounter in German and only falling into English when I had to. I found myself getting further and further. Though, doubtless still not very far. I definately have much more confidence now, and a lot more tolerance for my own mistakes, so I'm really glad I made the effort.

The city itself was so interesting, from the laid back drivers to the psychotic cyclists it was definately another world entirely from Dublin. The size is the most striking thing about it, apparantly it is eight times the size of Paris so even among large cities it's huge. From the air it was a city built within a forest so it definately seemed very environmentaly friendly.


I probably did not find it as strange as I expected to. In many ways I found it more like home than London was. The experience of just hanging around in a cafe drinking beer and enjoying the architecture was something new to me. I found it very enriching. Of course it did help that the concert I went there to see (VNV Nation) was the greatest thing I have ever attended in my life.

I have so many theories and feelings about Berlin, it is definately a city that has seen so much in its time that it really has a life of its own. I hope I'll make it back over there (perhaps for some fencing) some time soon.

Off to Germany

Hi-ho silver, AWAY!

A new short story

Hello! I've set up a nicer word-press website to save myself the bother of building the thing myself. I've changed the short story link to point at it and you can also get to it here.

Well, I'm excited right now. Heading to Germany for the first time on Thursday, going to see my all time favorite group VNV Nation in a huge, sold-out venue. It's going to be terrifying but I can't wait. Hopefully the trip goes well and I'll start making my way out there for fencing competitions, I'm sure those guys could teach me a thing or two. Losing is a pain but we learn best when we are utterly crushed, right.

So, I'm buzzing from that. My website game thing made some progress too and I've written some articles on it on that respective blog. I'm up to three blogs now, (four if you count the Word Press) but what the hell. The logic is that I'm basically a freak for incorporating an interest in gaming, literature/philosophy and programming so why not break it up a bit to increase the chances of something clicking. It's not a big deal anyway, I find myself being able to write plenty to keep them ticking over with plenty of energy left over for my short stories and novels.

Alright so, big things ahead. One more thing, I made a little video, it's pretty stupid but I was so moved by the desperate writing in a particular recent video game that I made a video of myself deriding it. It might be a bit cringe-worthy to most but hell, give it a go if you dare: Me in front of the Camera.

Well, I can't say more without breaking the informational tone of this post so I shall cease!

Video, games and interlaced story telling.

There's some machinations processing in my mind at the moment. Cogs are turning, equations are resolving and I do feel like I am moving towards something. My life is a long line of ideas, concepts I've come up with but with such limited implementation.

I have so many fully formed ideas in my head but so few have ever made them into reality. Perhaps it is how, in a way, that they are already completed in some form that makes them so hard to work on. It's a difficult subject.

I am also guilty of being struck by a specific sensation and become obsessed with devising a method of its synthesis. A game, a story, a book but soon the sensation is gone and I am left only with this project. It's difficult going.

Of course I am still working on it and I am making some progress. I need to be patient, I need to learn the skills I need to make my ideas a reality. Like the Buddha apparantly said, "A jug fills drop by drop".

I just read something on Wikipedia

Did you know that Orson Welles once appeared at the Gate Theater in Dublin? Apparently he was just in the neighbourhood and barged into auditions claiming to be a Broadway actor. They didn't believe him but he was so good they took him on anyway.

Orson Welles' story is a great one. He went from job to job, constantly aggravated by realities interference with his visions. He was one of us who could see what he wanted to do so clearly, so vividly that any transgression against it was abhorrent. But time, money, public opinion, they all stood in his way. That was the nature of the media industry, it still is I suppose.

The list of projects that Orson threw himself into only to have crash and burn is astounding. And such a shame. Genius versus reality. It's definitely a high point, at least in theory, of being an author. You have time to get things how you want them to be. I know once things get commercial you don't but it's not like making a film where every day of work costs thousands of dollars.

I think that's a strong reason why written literature is still the primary source of originality and creative properties, time is there to develop something new. The unorthodox can't be so easily be destroyed by an uneasy patron.

What's this, anticipation for something?

I'm always seeing my own doom and destruction in the pipe-line, but here comes something nice. A new computer game that I can't wait to play. Here I announce my anticipation in a scripted fashion.

My Best Idea Ever - Please don't steal

It's the year 2040 and the Irish populace has now turned to cat worship.

The rest writes itself. Really what is with women and cats, why do women want to be cats? It's crazy!

Anyway, in the book everybody worships cats but something is rotten. The director of animal control has been slipping psychotropic drugs into the nations cat food supply, making the cats more suggestible to his pervasive cat hypnosis. Cats begin killing their masters brutally with shovels and all hell breaks lose.

It's down to a young trainee veterinarian, Bladen Harchwip and his band of weight watching dieters to hunt down the source of the cat crazy and save the country from complete meltdown. Using only malnutrition know-how and some automatic weapons they must rise against the sea of conspirator fur and get the true rotten center of the Irish cat house (The Dail!)

Rated 18.

We Have Video Now!

Text is dead! Video is the future, or that's what they're telling me. Join me on my first adventure into moving picture vision!

New Day, New Post

So, it seems there is a dichotomy between one's hatred of old women and one's attendance to classical events. Ha ha ha.

But wit aside, I might write some personal stuff. Nobody's reading this anyway. I feel fantastic I have to say, since my recent unemployment I have started enjoying life again. I'm playing computer games, watching shows, all the stuff normal human beings enjoy. I've also cut out caffeine from my diet and that's really contributing to a new healthier me. In a nutshell, I'm feeling better than I have in as long as I can remember.

And it's now that I wish I had money to be able to support this life. I'm writing away, but there's no way of telling if I'll be able to get anything published in the near future. I'm not sure what the future holds for me but I do hope that I'll be able to hold onto this new joy I've found.

I do feel like I have hit a foundation, a fundamental sustaining energy and that's very reassuring. I will strive to build on this.

I went to see the RTE National Symphony Orchestra

It was good fun. Played some Brahms first and then Beethoven's 5th in the second half. For the most part of it was excellent soul nourishing fare--

Apart, that is, from the old woman that was SNORING beside me for most of the second half. I looked over and it looked like she was asleep, but no, she didn't even have this excuse, she had been awake the whole time. The woman knew what she was doing, I don't have words, I really don't.

I won't dwell on it, but if you are incapable of breathing silently please do NOT attend classical performances. Also, die.

But yeah, I'm still kind of annoyed over that. But that's just people for you, they just don't give a crap. How would the performers on stage feel if they saw somebody obviously snoring and oblivious to the world around them. Not good. But, I didn't say anything, should I have? Comment now please!

As for the performance itself, very enjoyable first half. Didn't think they had enough "umpf" for the Beethoven but it was still enjoyable. The NCH seems a bit on the small side for a full orchestra and the setup with the piano was a bit strange. Can the pianist usually not see the conductor? I felt that lead to a lack of synchronization between the piano and the rest of the orchestra but maybe that was just me.

So, looking forward to Germany and their concert orchestra and see how it stacks up. Hoping to be blown away!

A Non-Entertaining Update

An update on my writing efforts, finally I have started to realign myself with my novel goals and have left a few short stories to stew for a while, unfinished.

I have rewritten my query letter for Redmond, again. You can have a look at it here. Any feedback is very welcome.

I've gone for a more "sales document" approach and incorporated some of the CV writing skills I have developed during my current job seeking.

I have also written another novel opening, it's fiction and its got an interesting protagonist so I'll just have to see how that goes. I probably won't take the plunge until Tower is complete. It will have to wait along with Whitespace, another fiction concept that I developed.


And Tower proceeds nicely, I have all my main characters in place and things are picking up pace. I am about to enter that phase of a book where you are done awkwardly navigating a reef and find yourself out at open sea. Some favorable winds and it will be done before I know it. It's a more personal work than Redmond and I'm definitely finding it therapeutic. Tower is going to either be my masterpiece or my great folly but I think I'm going to be proud of it either way.

And that's how things stand at the moment. Still getting a steady trickle of rejection letters, still writing and most of all, still waiting.

Melora Creager - I salute you!

Ladies and gentlemen it's time for some more hero worship. Today it's Melora Creager. Now, I'm not her stalker, I don't know her life history or anything, she could be pure sunshine evil for all I know. I'll focus on what I do know about her and is the source of her title of awesome person.

Weapon of Choice - Melora is armed with the most advanced form of weaponry available from your local music shop, I speak of course of the Cello. This thing can lay waste to armies with its melodious dark tone. Some others have had the idea of using electric cellos but Melora has given it distinction, making it something unique by its own right.

This is backed up by one of the most beautiful voices I have ever heard. I think they refer to it as a vibrato voice, unique and piercing. Some people don't like it when I make them listen to it but those people are philistines! If some kind of ancient and magical violin started talking, it would sound like Melora Creager. Ooh, book idea.

Armour - Melora adorns herself in authentic Victorian garb. Apparently it helps her get over her stage fright or something but it looks amazing. I haven't been lucky enough to see them live but they look like something out of a dream in their videos. They are a true musical anachronism, their look behind their time, their music ahead of it!

Creed - Melora sings about history. This leads to great songs about Rose Kennedy and Howard Hughes. She also has a habit of creating bat shit crazy interludes in her albums where different characters bicker or history plays out before you in stereo. Funny, educational and with Cello goodness Melora is a woman on a mission to amaze and obfuscate historical happenings with her own haze of entertaining confusion.

Ammunition - Melora has a lot of albums, some of which, I believe were produced by a certain Marylon Manson. Now, don't hold that against her, her stuff is original and well written. I've got ten of their albums here which includes their excellent live album, they've got a catalogue of epic proportions.

Special Move - Their special move, in my opinion, is an excellent version of the Pink Floyd classic "Wish you were here." Melora somehow managed to craft a cover that is in many ways superior to the original. It seems like a song that was always meant for the Cello as opposed to the guitar. I can't talk music so I won't try but I can just say that it hits a spot and does real justice to an amazing song.

Well, if that isn't enough to have her sent a pre-paid ticket to Valhalla then I don't know what is. Man, I'm sure those vikings would like her music after a long day of killing each other.

Anyway, even Vikings aside, Melora Creager has achieved so much and I really admire her and her music and hope to continue listening to her stuff for a long time into the future.

By the way her band is called Rasputina, you should check it out.
http://www.rasputina.com/